Showing Love

photo credit Michelle at maladjustedmedia.com, from this blog post

Fridays go one of two ways at work for me. Either they are full of unrealistic amounts of work that need to be finished before I leave or they are painfully dull as I will have nothing to do. Okay, that is slightly untrue, but from my perspective it is. Last Friday, June 8th, was somewhere in the middle of that scale, full of waiting on other people so I could finish assignments. While I was waiting, I came upon this article on HuffPo | Religion. I mean with a title like Jesus in Drag, how could I not read it?

What I expected to be an article that bashed the church for its non acceptance of gays or about some radical protest that included drag queens dressed as Jesus. What I got was the story about how a straight man, Timothy Kurek, learned to step outside his comfort zone and identify with the gay community. He did a social experiment were he lived as a gay man for a year and at the time he wasn't planning on writing a book but as the year went on, he felt compelled to share his experience with others.

What struck me about the article was his description about being in the closet and how detrimental it was for him:

The combination of knowing I had to constantly hide my true attractions and orientation, with the reality that I couldn't even hope for the possibility having a relationship, was overwhelming. And what I went through is NOTHING compared to the experience of the average gay and lesbian. They were never able to say "only 12 or eight or six more months of this before I get to be me again."

As a women who doesn't have to hide the fact that I'm attracted to men, I still have a hard time approaching men to show them I am interested. Mostly because I'm scared they won't be interested in me but also I'm afraid their reaction will include ridiculing me for being interested in them. If I was attracted to women, I have no idea how I would handle it. How could I handle constant rejection from people passing me on the street? Have you seen the way people look at LGBT couples as they walk down the street, it's terrible. If I did approach a woman I thought was attractive and she reacted violently to my interest, how would I handle that physically and emotionally? Reading that article gave me new respect and love for my gay friends. It also reminded me that I have a lot to learn about relating to people and showing them Christ's love.

I'm a firm believer in the fact that we serve up the bible in America with a generous slathering of cultural bias. We spend so much time using the bible to justify our ridiculous live styles, we miss the real truth present in it. We have become so weighted down by possessions and expectations that if someone were to live their life according to the principles in the Word, we wouldn't recognize it as biblical living. We would either put that person on a pedestal and tell them how much better they are than us and how we could never do what they do or we would write them off as crazy, telling them they are taking the bible too seriously and avoid them so we wouldn't feel guilty when they came around.

I'm not saying because of this article I'm going to sell all my possessions and tour around the country yelling scripture from the top of my lungs but it has made me keenly aware of how I view people and how I treat them when they are in my presence. Here's to showing people the love of Christ and making good first impressions.

Gramblings! It has begun.

For what seems like ten years, me and my friend Mattie have been talking about starting a podcast. We also talked about making a transmediated Pride and Prejudice and seventeen other projects but of course all those things had to take a back seat to school. Now that school is over, we have this interesting thing called leisure time. Time to do one of those seventeen project and the first one we picked is the podcast.

You should know that Mattie and I are basically the same person. We like a lot of the same kinds of things, laugh at the same jokes and genuinely enjoy spending time together. When we first met, we would spend a long time talking in the parking lot after class because we like making each other laugh so much. It was after one of these many parking lot conversations that we had the idea that we should record our parking lot talks and put them on the internet. We started calling these talking sessions Gramblings because they were general ramblings we had while in grad school. We recorded the first one this past Saturday and had so much fun we went over our agreed upon time limit. 

So for your listening pleasure, here is the first episode of Gramblings. It's work and kids safe so listen whenever you want. Or RIGHT NOW!

You can follow us on twitter too, @wearegramblings.

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American Bible Challenge Hits Dallas

In an effort to achieve one of my goals I talked about in a previous post, I ventured out to Vista Ridge Mall Saturday to take some pictures. I was informed that an open casting call was taking place for a new game show on The Game Show Network. It's going to be hosted by Jeff Foxworthy and the title of the show is American Bible Challenge. From the sound of it, the show is going to feature contestants from around the nation who know the bible the best.

Having not heard of the show before, I did what every person who uses the internet does when they need information, I Googled it. What I found was various blogs and articles asking more questions than providing answers. I did find the basics of the show, those being that eighteen teams of three will compete for a charity that will be the beneficiary of the competing team's winnings. How these teams will compete, how long the show will be on and how much bible knowledge you need to know to actually get on the show Google couldn't tell me. I decided it was time I go see for myself. I recruited my mom and her best friend to join me and we headed out to Lewisville.

When we got to the mall, the audition was easy enough to fine as it was located just inside a popular mall entrance. We first saw a crowd of around two dozen people standing, in movie queue formation, to the right of a pair of well lit stages. The stage on the right was small and had a background with the logo of the show repeated on it, like you would see on a red carpet. A few feet to the left of this stage was a much larger one framed with boldly designed banners announcing the presence of GSN and the American Bible Challenge. To the left of the main stage was a table covered in American Bible Challenge swag and signage and next to that table was a table for the local christian radio station. As contemporary christian pop music blared, we absently took up the clipboards we were handed and strode to our place in line.

As we filled out the forms, the standard "we want to get to know ya!" kind, we struck up a conversation with the lady in front of us. Her name was Clara and she was from Lewisville. She'd heard about the audition on the radio and wanted to participate because it was something completely different. She also wanted to support anything that would encourage people to see Christ in a positive light as she felt society has been discouraging people to have faith. She had one more reason she wanted to audition for the show, a reason I sympathize with, and that was she wanted to see a Hispanic person competing. I looked around and out of the thirty or so people present only half a dozen were people of color. Knowing that Dallas has a huge African American and Hispanic church going population, it was sad to not see more people who looked like me.

We waited in line for about ninety minutes and I got a chance to  take a few pictures. Unfortunately, we didn't get to try out for the show as my mom had an appointment to get to. We left Clara and told her we would be rooting for her if she ended up on the show. All in all, it was a good idea to try something new.

So, you wanna be on tv?

Mom filling out the forms.

The eager crowd. 

This lady looked fabulous in her pink.

KLTY was there giving away a lot of prizes.

American Bible Challenge Swag.

She was delightful, the table attendant. 

This Unexpected Life of Mine

FoRReals has been deemed Masters. 

I recently found out my crush from high school is having his second child. At first I was sadden by this news, thinking that instead of his beautiful wife in his Facebook pictures, I could be there holding a beautiful little brown one year old girl with blue eyes and impossibly curly black hair. I started to think about how all my teenage life plans had me married with children by now. I started to feel like I'd failed myself, that I some how let myself down because I hadn't fulfilled those plans.

But then I started to think about were I am in my life. Granted, I've accomplished very little in the way of my life plans but let's face it, plans you make in high school, outside of general ideas of education and seeking a passion, are silly and should be abandoned as soon as humanly possible. I remembered the accomplishments I had completed so far in life and how great those things are. I mean, I just earned a master's degree for crying out loud and I was feeling like a failure for not achieving more in my life. That's me and Mattie above, by the way, right after graduation. It was bitter sweet that day. I'll write about graduation at a later date, back to high school life plans.

I think it's time I went a little bit easier on myself and instead of making plans, start listing goals. Goals are so much easier to achieve than plans because plans only exist to achieve goals. How I'd forgotten this, I don't know. I think I was focusing too much on the steps than the purpose of those steps.

So. Goals. This could be difficult in prioritizing which ones are most important but none the less, here are a few I want to reach before the end of the summer:

• Finish LBP videos
• Start a podcast. Or two.
• Write on my blog at least twice a week.
• Take more pictures.
• Start a board game club.

I should say this is a short list, edited down from the wish list I made two weeks ago. That list was impossibly long and not possible to complete in one season or four. I know this is a new beginning to something exciting. What that something is, well, we will have to discover together.

The fastest, longest two weeks ever

I had planned on posting more often. I didn't want to this to be a once a week blog but at this time it is looking like that will be the case. The last two weeks have been spend reading, writing and researching just about everything for my Capstone project. I read articles, journal entries, books, magazines, watched movies, TV shows, documentary series and YouTube channels. Research is tiring anyway and then I was sick too! I had a sinuses infection. Nothing major enough to go to the doctor for but I did stay home one day and sleep.

I subscribe to TheRumpus.net and everyday my inbox is given a taste of proper blogging. Stephen, the blog's creator and head writer, talks about life and all of it's beautiful dirty messiness and how wonderfully painful and great it can be. He writes about his childhood and adulthood and work, you know, life. He is fast becoming one of my favorite writers to read. Mostly because he sends me email I want to read but also be he inspires me to write more.

I have wanted to be a writer in the classic sense from the age of about two. My mom tells me when I was little, a toddler in a car seat, I would tell her stories from the back seat of the car. Often they were the bedtime stories from the night before that I retold with myself as the heroine. I don't remember this but it does sound like something I was likely to do at two or three. I do remember in kindergarten reading stories and rewriting them in my head so they were more interesting. I mean, Dick and Jane were not just walking for hours and hours, something had to be chasing them or attacking them. I do remember one time in the third grade I got in trouble for writing a paper that was too descriptive. The teacher told me what I wrote was fantastical and not likely to ever happen. I thought what is wrong with that?

I was not kind to my writing talent after graduating high school. Though I wrote my share of art history papers during undergrad and a few short scripts that my screenwriting teacher really liked, I did nothing to groom my talent. After earning my BFA, I was afraid to start writing. I was afraid that because I had waited so long to start writing again I would discover my talent found a home in someone else, that person more appreciative of it and not bond by fear to not use it. I am glad to say that over that past few weeks I've learned it liked me too much to leave but like an atriphed muscle I'm finding it hard to use well right away.

I know I'm supposed to be writing about how I spend my money but the money thing isn't the real reason I have this blog. The real motivation is it write. Neil Gaiman, who I love, says the best way to become a writer is to write. Write a lot. Just write and eventually you will be good enough to share that writing with someone else. Stephen from The Rumpus says that best way to keep a blog is to write everyday. I believe him as studies have shown consistence more than content is what wins on the net. Please read a blog more often when it publishes daily verses weekly. I'm probably months away from being a daily long form blogger but I do plan on getting there.

I read an article on the plane this morning about a guy who was hit by a car, it severing his C6 vertebrae. The doctor told him he would never walk again. He told him You didn't know me well, do you? The doctor shook his head at him and walked away saying he was delusional. Five years later this man became the first person to ever walk again unassisted after such a traumatic injury to his spinal column. He did it through old fashion hard work and having a very detailed plan of action. He said to write down three goals you have. Now rewrite them until you have the three you really want to accomplish. Once you have that, tell no one. Telling people these goals makes you a talker, not a doer. I realized after reading this article that I am a talker.

I tell people my ideas and goals and I speak words hoping they come true. I have very little faith these ideas will come true mostly because I don't know how to make them more than words but also because I don't have faith in myself to complete them. I used to believe the world was mine to conquer. I'm not sure when I started believing I was defeated but that stops today.

Feb twenty five is the day I become a doer again. I have to go now, I've goals to write.

And inhaling, and exhaling

I was driving home the other day and I saw a truck with spinners on it. A thought came to mind as I pulled away from the red light, that we are such a spoiled country. I want you to think back, back say ten years ago, when spinners were popular, when your biggest complained in life was that gas was $1.50 a gallon (which was outrageous), a movie ticket for a 7pm show was $8 (which was outrageous) and you spent all your spare time customizing your Myspace profile (which was, of course, outrageous). We, as a country, had so much money we invented wheels that kept spinning when the car stopped. How stupid was that? At the time, not at all. It seemed so necessary to show the other people you were in traffic with how much money you had. Now it just seems laughable what we 'needed'. Now, we're just happy to have matching hub cabs on a car that get's 30 mpg. 

Anyway, enough with the reminiscing. This week was brutal. That should be in all caps cause I felt like fifth grader stuck in a cage match with The Undertaker and The Rock. It seemed there just weren't enough hours in any of the days to get everything done I needed to get done. I blame Tom Brady cause I don't like him and I had to watch the Superbowl Sunday night instead of doing homework. It's an American social law, isn't it? If you don't watch the Superbowl, you will be shunned by your friends and your neighbors won't make eye contact with you. 


I spent most of the week playing catch up. I thought Monday night would be productive but I ended up spending most of the night on the side of the highway waiting on roadside assistance. The first hour's wait was for a nailed tire. The second two and half hour's wait was for a spare tire that lasted 30 seconds before coming off the rim. 


After giving bad directions to some friends who agreed to come rescue me, we waited together for the tow truck. I was towed to Hamm's Tires downtown Dallas (Shout Out!), paid for a patch and a broken valve stem and started wearily on my way home around 10:30 pm. Tuesday morning, I had a bit of a meltdown. Stress and lack of sleep overwhelmed me and the idea of getting out of bed seemed impossible. I didn't much for the first part of the day but sulked and pouted. 


After convincing myself to not only get out of the bed, I got out of the house and did what I had been putting off since I bought my car, the purchasing of new tires. After a trip to my friendly neighborhood Discount Tire, I apparently found the shadiest shop in my town to get an inspection done. I mean these guys were the least professional people I'd ever seen running a repair shop. They ignored me until they found outIi need actual work done on my car then they tried to flirt with me to get my business. You know what creepy mustache guy? That stuff doesn't work when you have teeth missing.


I instead of putting it in the heads of creepy pedos, I took the car to my trusty mechanic who always sells me the best parts for the car, not the best part for his profit. He told me the catalytic converter had gone out and I needed a new one. Seeing how this car was made less then ten years ago (and not in the 60s as I would love it to have been. It would also have to be a Barracuda, Charger, Corvette, Chevelle, or Camaro in that case.)  and it's inspection is up this month, I didn't have much of a choice  but to get the work done. 


This entire week has been full of me spending too much money and not getting enough sleep. I plan on fixing all that next week.

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Saturday

Taco Republic: $5.95

Total: $5.95

Sunday

Wal-mart: Lunch food for the week: $19.72

Bistro B: Superbowl party food: $14.07

QT: $44.46

Total: $78.25

Monday

Hamms Tires: $20.00

Braums: Ice Cream (I was slightly depressed): $2.15

Total: $22.15

Tuesday

The Wave Wash: $7.00

Discount Tire: $541.64

China City: (Cause you need delivery when your car is in the shop) $18.45

Total: $567.09

Wednesday

Wal-mart: Mouth rise: $5.78

Ted's Automotive: $464.64

Total: $470.42

Thursday

Carenow: (From way back in Dec, they are just now sending me a bill SMH) $21.90

Office Depot: $7.62

Whataburger: $6.70

UTD Library: (Cause the printers on campus don't take cash) $10.00

Total: $46.22

TOTAL: $1,190.08

A Long, LONG Weekend

I still haven't fully recovered from my impromptu road trip to Austin. It's always a great joy to spend time with Jen and the boys. I especially like the oldest one. His jokes are corny but he'a a great guy. I'm glad he's feeling better, being sick for a long period of time, like 2011, can wear on the moral.

What I didn't plan on was not sleep for the last five days. I don't know if I'm just stressed out about school or life or what but actually falling asleep and staying that way for the past week has been an impossibility.  Yesterday I left work with vertigo so intense, it was making me nauseous. When I got home, me and my bed spent some much needed quality time together. After sleeping eight hours, I got some food and decided to watch movies until I fell back to sleep. Also I didn't account for my threshold of what is and isn't watchable bottoming out when I'm tired. I ended up watching two mediocre films that honestly never should have been made let along watched.

Both films had really good actors but they were giving terrible performances which tells you, bad acting isn't about the actor all the time. I mean Keanu Reeves gave a good performance in the first Matrix film and he normally can't act his way to end an awkward phone call. Anyway, if you are thinking about watching Death Race 2 or Men Who Stare At Goats, don't. The latter was watchable but fell flat at the end and the former was a huge mistake in being made at all. If I had IMDB'd the first one, I would have found that it was directed by the same guy who made that new Scorpion King 3 movie and you know if a guy is stuck making sequels to other peoples films, he has problems.

My spending was a little on the edge of out of budget but I reeled it back in. I even paid extra on my car last month as in addition to a road trip, I paid bills this weekend. Because I slacked on showing my  spending for the past five days, I'm going to catch you all up at once.

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Friday
7 Eleven, Gas: $25.62
7 Eleven, snacks: For the road trip: 5Hour, cup of coffee, bear claw: $7.40
McDonald's, dinner on the road: $3.25

Friday's Total: $36.27

Saturday
Exxon Mobil, snacks: coffee, bear claw: $3.02

Saturday's Total: $3.02

Sunday
No Purchase (Yay!)

Sunday's Total: $0

Monday
Jack In The Box, dinner: 4 tacos, oreo shake: $5.27

Monday's Total: $5.27

Tuesday
Kroger Fuel, gas: $40.19
Hong Kong Market, lunch for the week: $12.53
Bistro B, dinner with a friend: $10.04

Tuesday's Total: $62.76

TOTAL: $107.32

Paid on car in Jan: $350
Total owed on Car: $5,363.42